What She Means to Me: An Interview with Parker Rose

Gender identity is complex no matter who you are. In this interview, cis-gendered woman and philosophy student Parker Rose discusses identity and outlines why it’s a necessary task for everyone to explore the intricacies of their lived gender experience.

Parker Rose

There are a variety of different ways to express gender identity, one of which is pronouns. There is a deep sense of connection between self-expression and language when it comes to pronouns. In striving to grasp our own gender identity, we can then gain much insight into others who experience gender differently than ourselves. This understanding can ultimately establish basic respect for another person’s struggles. Therefore, the usage of incorrect pronouns is a big deal.

“What She Means to Me” is an interview series working to advance social awareness on the subject of gender identity. In this series, I, Lyn Dean, will be chatting with people of different gender identities to further this insight. This first interview will be with a cis-gendered woman, undergraduate philosophy student and graduate school prospect from the University of Alabama at Birmingham, Parker Rose (she/her/hers).

Would you like to share your gender identity?

“I identify as a woman, mostly feminine.”

Have you ever questioned this gender identity?

"I’ve questioned my place on the spectrum of womanhood but never questioned my womanhood."

What kinds of things have you researched to do with gender identity?

“As far as just personally, like my own curiosity in gender identity, I haven’t done much formal research except to consider how limited we are in describing it.

In my academic research, one of my primary projects has been examining paid parental leave policies. I question its impact on matters like the gendered division of labour and explore how things like child care and household labour affect and interact with gender identity.

Specifically, I assessed how labour divisions might be related to things like psychological distress and depression. In a heterosexual partnership, women are responsible for disproportionately more household and child care labour than their male partners. I investigated the emotional impact of this reality. I discovered that, regarding household duties, women feel a higher sense of obligation than men and are socialised to view housework as an expression of their gender identity. Gender norms have convinced women that failing to fulfil these duties makes them bad mothers, wives, and women when really, they are the victims of arbitrary, constructed social norms..”

Have you made any shocking discoveries about the concept of gender or even your own relationship to gender during this process?

“I have noticed that submissiveness, deferring to men or your male partner, is frequently purveyed as an expression of femininity. I’ve had many revelations about that throughout my research and just in general.

Deference to partners is something I have caught myself doing. I have taught myself to recognise these socially programmed tendencies and say, “No, I’m going to do what feels good to me and what respects me as a human being.

My expression of my gender identity is whatever I want it to be.”

What do you think the value is in being gender intelligent?

"I don’t think gender should be a thing we have to discuss. I believe gender should be recognised as fluid. However, this capacity of mine to sideline gender is a mark of my cis privilege.

I do think it is critical to be aware of gendered forces because they are real within society. They impact how people understand you and how you understand others. It is vital to understand others to treat them with proper respect.You also need to be conscious of these forces to better navigate your own life and safety "

Have you ever found it difficult to understand the gender identity of others?

“I’ve just always tried to listen to other people. If a person didn’t like the pronouns I was using and wanted to be called by different pronouns, I don’t question that. If someone else has a different gender expression, like someone you would casually identify as a man, does something that is socially out of character for a man, I take that in. That doesn’t change your standing to me as an individual; it’s just more information.

If I weren’t cis-gendered I would definitely have to think more deeply and meaningfully about gender and consider it. A good parallel is how cis-men never think about being a man. It’s so easy to just wake up and think, “I am a man, everything is built to accommodate me.” Whereas if you are a woman, if you’re someone who is disabled, if you are someone who is not white, you live in a world that is not necessarily made for you in a lot of ways.

When you don’t have an identity that is represented, supported, and affirmed by culture, then you have to ask, “how can I even exist in this world?” I believe that makes you more aware of who you are.”

What kinds of things do you think society attaches to femininity? Good and bad.

"The bad is things like irrationality, incapability, and inferiority. We don’t think very deeply about it; we hear kids and adults alike saying things like “you throw like a girl” or “are you on your period?” or “grow a pair.” These statements imply that femininity and womanhood are less than or inferior in some way.

I think femininity is associated with nature, with being more in tune with oneself and others. . Though positive, these connotations fail to capture that women exist beyond the collective and beyond the relations they hold to other people."

In our society, do you believe the experience of transgendered women is vastly different to that of cisgendered women?

“In a way, yes. The experience of a transgender woman is much different and less privileged than that of a cis-gendered woman. The experience of a transgender woman is so different from my experience because of society and how restrictive and how downright cruel it is to people who fall outside of cis-gendered boundaries.

I think, however, that gender is more about solidarity as opposed to similarity. Being a woman looks different for every person because that’s how individuality works. I believe what’s important is seeing the differences and appreciating them.”

So the big question, what does "she" mean to you?

"It’s just a recognition, it’s pointing out that “you there, you exist.” When people say “Parker” they mean that Parker exists, and Parker is not only her gender identity, she’s also all of this other stuff. However, there’s something about the pronoun, it picks you out, it picks out a part of you that’s significant and that you share with a lot of other people on this earth but you also don’t share because it’s also entirely individual, I believe.

In philosophy, as a discipline, it’s very male-dominated. I believe only around seventeen per cent of professional philosophers are women. If that number is correct, I believe it’s worse than physics. I think in recognition of this, a lot of philosophers in their thought experiments, examples, or when we are talking about social-political philosophy when we’re talking about citizens and what it means to be a citizen, they have changed the standard from “well as a citizen, he should” to purposefully putting “well as a citizen, she should.” They turn each example feminine. I think in doing so, what they are trying to do is emphasise the fact that women are here, present, and active. That’s one way pronouns can be powerful, it changes how you think about the world and how it’s shaped for you in your mind."

Parker Rose proves that gender identity is complicated no matter how you identify. Grasping this can be the first step in making the lives of others more livable. What is most important to realise is that the complexity of gender experience is not just a conversation for those who fall outside the assigned gender binary.

Illustrations by Carolina Dias