Four Lessons I Learned the Hard Way in My Professional Career

As young professionals, we are always learning from those that have come before us and have more experience. If you’re just entering the workplace after completing university, are in the service industry, or whatever professional environment you find yourself in, these lessons apply to you. I learned them through experience, through feeling naive and quite frankly foolish at times. I hope to shed some light on the subject, so maybe these lessons don’t have to be learned the hard way by you.

Illustration by Carolina Diaz

Ask For What You Want

This is the single most important thing I have learned in my professional career, and I placed it first because I will be referring to it throughout the article.

Those who don't ask don't receive. Employers (typically) won’t willingly give you more money unless in special circumstances, which you shouldn’t wait around for. If you want something, take up space and ask. When we’re growing up, we learn about how to be confident and relate to other people from those around us. If you didn’t have necessarily assertive role models, this might be tough for you. Especially as women, we are socially conditioned not to cause “trouble” or inconvenience people. If asking for something you think you deserve is causing “trouble,” you probably don’t want to be working for this person or company anyway.

Your hard work and the energy you put into your job will more often than not go unnoticed unless you take the initiative to bring it up yourself. There are no gold sticker charts in the professional world.

You must stop waiting around for your supervisor to recognize your hard work and show them examples while you're confidently asking for that raise that you absolutely deserve.

Your Boss is Not Your Friend

You're thinking one of two things right now: either “obviously” or “my boss is different, he/she is so cool, and we really get along and...”. For those saying obviously, I applaud you for already having the boundaries I wish I had set for myself long ago. Your boss is not your friend. No matter how many times you go for cocktail hour after work, even if she's just vented to you about how the guy she was seeing ghosted her, even if you follow each other on Instagram.

This one was tough and took a few times for my extroverted, social butterfly self to really get a grip on, and it was painful. When I feel a connection with someone, I tend to blur the lines between a professional and a personal relationship, but this came back around to bite me, and I was left feeling humiliated.

If someone is your boss or is in charge of your salary, this person will not stick up for you, and they will never give you more than what you ask for (back to number one). You can have a good relationship with your boss, don’t get me wrong. That’s encouraged, in fact, because I believe it makes your work environment easier to navigate and much more pleasant. But always remember that your boss is not your friend.

Know Your Worth

I would be happy to take any job in the past, from which I thought I would gain valuable experience or social clout. I didn't ask for what I knew I was worth. I was afraid to take up space, and I didn't want to seem like “trouble” or not get hired.

Looking back, the wages I've been paid for someone with my qualifications were seriously insulting, and even though I'm to blame because I didn't ask for what I wanted (back to number one), I was also learning. These things take trial and error sometimes.

Employers will get away with whatever they can, and yes, that means taking full advantage of you and the money they save paying you well below what you deserve (back to number two). Know your worth, and if someone can’t see your worth, it’s up to you to decide whether or not it’s beneficial for you to prove that to them.

Talk About Money

I’m not sure how it is in other parts of the world, but talking about your salary in the States is like cursing in front of grandma. It's so taboo, and most people cringe, get super awkward, and don’t know what to do when the subject is brought up.

The capitalistic society we live in has trained us not to talk about this to keep ourselves and each other in the dark, so we don't know just how much we’re grossly underpaid compared to our colleagues. We’re afraid to offend anyone or create competition between us if the subject does come up in the office. Our salaries are a part of the job that should be open for discussion.

Talk about it. That girl in the office who has always helped you do whatever you need cares way more about you than your corporate employer. I promise you that. You are most likely not her competition, and you should be paid the same as your colleagues who have the same qualifications. Talk about this subject, especially with your male coworkers.

You have no idea how you're going to handle a situation or what to do in a said situation unless you've been in it. Unfortunately, I've found myself in some awkward circumstances in the past, and, loathing confrontation, I continued to tolerate behavior I knew was unacceptable. But here's the thing: now I know.

Now I know that I am worth more than insulting pay, and I would rather have no job so I can focus on expanding my skills than work tirelessly for someone who isn't going to appreciate me or pay me adequately.

And that might suck for a while, but you'll always figure it out.